My baby brain 🧠

I feel like I fell asleep and woke up a mother of 3 beautiful daughters.

Alice in Wonderland

The twins got me good by starting me off with a 2 fer and the 3rd well I needed her... I was healing from the startling trauma of dealing with the American foster care system just trying to "help" and here I am. Think I would feel no different if I was the mother of 3 at 25 but oh well lets not think about age. Now that I am through the pregnancy I am thinking about all the things that could of gone wrong or how different things could be. I have a blue eyed baby, a brown eyed baby and a very dark almost black eyed baby and they are all beautiful.

It was a stressful pregnancy, to literally say the least. I wasn't eating, I was working at a steakhouse and the garbage company trying to get my daughter s back after getting my car towed while driving Uber.

I looked at the kinds of things that can be caused or determined for a baby in the womb. I came up with a list but most of them include stress, as well as some sort of infection and since I know I did get my flu shot and TDAP (whatever that is for) and prenatal care I think we should be fine. I have been scared of so many things and scared to wonder for fear of projecting something negative onto my child as they grow.

Disorder risk in pregnancy

I read somewhere that it can take the mother from 4 months to 2 years to get her hormones back in order. I notice that this baby Juliette is more emotionally needy than the last 2. I like that since I am still healing from the wounds of them growing up in foster care for these past years. I can't barely write it or believe it but it is the truth, and it is the reason that everything has come to a halt. I just feel less guilty by a little but that I haven't done anything fun or for me since they've been gone. I have to hold onto the devastation, otherwise we were just never that important to one another.