That Time Emotional Abuse Consumed my Life

I will try to keep this short and sweeet like I rarely do, but I have to say something for my sake, because I can’t hide it anymore, because all I look like is a flake. Why did everything in my life come to a screeching halt after having my twins? It was the time of my life, I have never been so excited to create, write, video the whole 9 and now finally, I had something REALLY cool to talk about in my life like never before.

One of two things must be true, 1) I really am a freak of nature and this literally never happens in which case, I will write about it because it is truly incredible the pile of devastation this has caused in my life or 2) I am not the only one and there is someone else out there in the world who is going through what I am and cannot get their head around this either.

Why my adult parent decided to begin trying to sexually abuse me after having children

I see a couple of reasons that no one talks about this, 1) um humiliating yes. 2) We have to fly right through the crazy wall so bare with me.. And hold on tight it will be worth it though… I lost it all for this but if you’re going through it it’s f**ing awful

and you’re gonna eventually hope that someone understands and that someone is me. If you are dreaming about sexual encounters involuntarily with a parent, like as in you are not turned on but feel abused after a lucid dream several times, something is up ok. Now this is very taboo and if you tell your therapist about it who knows they might freakin lock you in a loony bin or something (famed threats of my ex during our hardest times) but hey I come from a family of some hardcore heroine addicts so maybe that qualifies me in some way to discuss some seriously taboo sex and some way too far out there to ever go home abuse….

Now that I have lost it all, I have been called crazy, cleared of a 5150 by the police and

have a certified sane certificate it actually amazes me that no one has come out about this, it is so taboo and those of us who have suffered, I think, have suffered primarily in silence, or thrown into an NA meeting and labeled a crazy druggie uncle. I don’t know. But if you keep having sex partners and they do the same move, and have this sly wink just like your dad or you creepy neighbor down the street, I encourage you to realize something is up, you could be REALLY getting spiritually abused. Now don’t press the red button everyone don’t freak out, I know walking through walls isn’t possible and the whole world will end if you start doing things like that but seriously, there are a million videos on YouTube about the end of the world, so lets just entertain my crazy mind for a second, for old times sake, I’m gonna write it out….

Oh great, now I have one of those omg this just got real and my brain realized it’s seriously traumatized moments… doo doo doo doo doo doo doo… o

kay and we’re back…. phew … Abuse in the dreamstate turning my life into a living hell...right. So its started out when I would nod out breast feeding my little beauties and waking up to some gnarly dream about my ex which made sense since I moved back to Texas where we were when we broke up. I wanted to have a baby, so did he, I thought he just wanted to play around and I ran wee wee wee back to California where I always do, like the WORST completely tragic love story like in the movies where they both want the same thing but neither of them hear each other and you’re screaming at the screen “Why isn’t she saying something” then book 3 months later I’m in the first wives club to my younger version. Anyways so I put the boobie smoothies away and go on with my day.. But THEN...Oh But then… when I came back to CA these dreams got way way crazier… they turned into full fledge love affairs… with family members like every dude with my best friend affectionately named boobles. They became rather torturous, and I felt like a baby half the time like a completely sexually inept toddler with highly revved emotions. Then it was my mom sleeping with my boyfriends dressed as my boobles, and humiliating me over and over again, and leaving me as a single mother of the twins forever. It has been awful, now I am being haunted by some dick ghost which I swear to God, I feel something in my vag when I wake up, but it’s never the something I want, it’s always something weird and humiliating, its just something else something sick and twisted, and it f***s me up to no end, it f***s me up to the point that I feel incapable of going to get the somethings that I do want..its driven me to AA and NA meetings when I just want to catch some sanity not a beer.

So I have come to the conclusion that my mom is a disgusting, humiliating narcissist that does a shit ton of heroine, God only knows how she pays for it or why all this started after I had kids.. But apparently there isn’t anything the cops can do about it but call me crazy and then clear me of it.

Hopefully I can get my boyfriend to come over and get rid of the dick ghost or maybe his dick has gone ghost, I don’t know yet. But the nature that she gets off on humiliating me is disturbing, the way it sucks out my ability to function is horrible, and watching each one of your friends fall prey to this and leave you with no family

to care for 2 kids is DEVASTATING….so I gained all the

weight back… if that is a surprise… I don’t mind going back through the journey of losing it again honestly I found myself that way and I feel like I have to find myself again. All the ideals I held about those I held dear seem to be unreliable at best. So I am trying to get back… hopefully someone reads this and thinks omg I am not alone this is huge, because thats how I would feel although, I found nothing when I searched. It amazes me how much of me was held back because they called me crazy when I didn’t understand what I was going through, because they threatened to lock me in a looney bin when I gave them and all their friends a place to live, because I come from a family of heroine addicts who believe in really tough (sometimes disgusting) love… I hope I am the only one but I know I probably am not… and I am going to survive this..;