Slaying the Mental Health Dragon - A not-so Fun House of Mirrors

This is not a coming out story. This is not a feel sorry for me story either. I am doing this "just so you know".

I used to think it was no joke my family's goal to be as evil to eachother as possibe and get away with it or still look good or something. It didn't really matter to me because I didn't seek their approval. I had managed to sneak by needing it for most of my life, partly by taking off my boyfriend leaving for another town when I didn't fit in. Now days I think I probably would have been called out for some type of social anxiety and depression.

I still don't have it figured out, is there a test they can do on my brain to show me it is or isn't producing the proper chemicals? That it literally isn't because my mom can't pay the rent and because my dad doesn't want me? I don't know I think my brain chemicals maybe taking too much blame here.... but who cares right?......WRONG!

I never thought I'd have to defend my mental status to anyone, I was somewhat regular with anxiety and maybe in denial about depression because workingout always took it away. That was until my twin babygirls were taken from me on a false 5150, and I haven't been able to be inspired to do much else really, it's almost more than I can bare. I can honestly say I am grateful that I got treatment before this whole fiasco otherwise I don't what they could of put me under suspicion for.

Ugh thats all for now, I feel awful writing it, it's been 9 months and somehow I am not supposed to be depressed, more depressed than I've ever been my whole life? Insanity..more later.. I enjoyed blogging I have to remember who I am and what I enjoy in hopes that my girls will also remember who they are and feel the right amount of confidence for their amazingly beautiful personalities and not this insane situation. I miss my best friends...we used to hangout all day everyday together. Is that not more than any mother can bare?